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June 29, 2013

THE SIXTH MONTH COMES TO A CLOSE

That's not my home!
  No, that's not my home!
Throughout Australia, one often comes across small churches from pioneer days
which have now been converted into delightful homes or art galleries. 

And that is not my home either! Although in Australia these days, there are people living  in their car, especially in mining towns where rent has become very expensive

Yes! That's our home....
well, at least it is where we sleep when travelling across our beautiful land, cameras in hand. 
Conversing Conversing-  with ongoing improvement
For myself, I hope that my ability to converse is being enhanced year by year. I remember that some years ago, my hubby said to me, “You know, you don’t look at people when you talk to them.”  I have remembered his words. Then I went through a few years where I know I was very good at interrupting, because ”I” had things to say! I certainly hope that I am now not so uncaring of others. 

Hence, over the past month, I have written some of my thoughts regarding conversing, which is an important element affecting our relationships. And our relationships are worth working on, unless of course, they are relationships that one would benefit by walking away from!

And here is a “prĂ©cis of June’s Conversation Blog”.  Communication is about:

*appreciating both small and big talk;
*having an attitude able to “give” before needing to “receive”;
*having an awareness of the other person and their significance;
*developing a listening ear;
*being kind, compassionate and confident;
*responding to others rather than reacting to them;
*caring about others’ emotions;
*being aware of how one presents themselves;  
*acknowledging one’s own inner convictions; 
*developing an ability for accurate recall of both people and situations;
*respecting and acknowledging those who live closest to us - and not just those to whom we are obliged to show respect and acknowledgment;
*not interrupting, thus allowing others the necessary time to verbally respond. (Some of us are slower than others);
*valuing questions – and of course, listening to the answers;
*taking advantage of the right time and the right place;
*taking time to converse with one-self - looking into one’s own heart and soul. Such times can prioritise; sort out one’s world view and beliefs; and also can be advantageous for thinking through strategies for addressing situations and for making assessment of strategies that have been used;
*valuing silence. Silence can say a multitude, especially when combined with body language such as a meaningful look into someone’s eyes to give a message of care and love.


Conversing is about valuing another,
and making them feel significant, even if you are only a little chick.
Photo taken at Warwick, England
Happy Conversing to all of you blog readers! 
May we all be improving our conversational and relational skills.

Guest of the month - Vivienne
Robyn tells me that I am the best “conversationalist” she knows, because I listen to others and encourage them. BUT…. yesterday I was with friends, and they told me that I “butt in”!  Right when they are telling their story, and aren't finished.  So, none of us is perfect!

I really do love people, and I think the secret is to love others. Once I heard on an Oprah show that everyone has a story to tell, and that is true – everyone does have a story, and they want to share their heart. If someone shares their heart with you, then it is a privilege.
When I was young, my mum would say, “For goodness sake, don’t tell anyone else our business!” but I didn’t know what our business was anyway. I remember when I did the daily walk home from high school – two miles or so -  I would always smile at everyone I saw, and I would say, “Hi!”. I still do that when I walk down the  street, and I get many smiles back.
About 30 years ago, my husband and I attended our first church camp. A lady from Canada said that she had a “word from the Lord” for us. She said that many people would flock into our home, and they would pick of the Fruit of the Spirit.  We didn’t even know what the Fruit of the Spirit was, so we looked it up. Sometimes when it is winter, we get pruned, and we don’t have very much production of fruit. But it isn’t always winter! Over the years we have had many visitors in our home, and I still love to have visitors and listen to their stories.  

Thank you to all of you blog readers from many countries,

Russia, Australia, United States, Germany, South Korea, Netherlands, Colombia, United Kingdom, Morocco, Philippines, Ukraine, Canada and India
for taking the time to read this month's blog. 
I hope that each one of us will be a blessing 
to our families, friends and communities.

from Robyn

painting of robin by Brenda

June 27, 2013

Conversing without speaking

That's not my home!

                             No, that's not my home! 

This Australian farmhouse is near Woodford in Queensland 

ConversingConversing without speaking  

Years ago, when I was a young adult, if there was a “lull” in a conversation, 
I would fill the silent space with chatter. 
No more! I have learned to appreciate a silent space like an empty space in a painting – 
that beautiful space which enhances the whole picture.  
It’s quite amazing what can actually be said with no words! 


Without speech, a kangaroo wishes to converse with my friend. 


My friend, Paul, is not deterred by either of his handicaps. Paul is both blind and deaf. 
















May we not underestimate the power of silence

from Robyn

painting of robin by Brenda

June 26, 2013

Conversing - talking with yourself

That's not my home!

                               No, that's not my home! 

This stone and brick home is in Goolwa in South Australia 

Conversing Conversing-  talking with yourself  



Getting to know and understand oneself is a very special thing to do! I wonder how many of us talk to ourselves in our minds, or even sometimes, out loud. Such “talk” helps us to know ourselves better, revealing what we are thinking, what our emotions and responses are, and how we are thinking of approaching our life situations. People who talk with themselves might find that they actually appreciate their own company.





May we appreciate our own company, especially in quiet times

from Robyn

painting of robin by Brenda

June 25, 2013

Conversing at the right time and place

That's not my home!  
                                                       
                                 No, that's not my home! 

This deserted homestead with wood tiles on the roof (rarely seen in Australia)
is in the Innman Valley, South Australia. 

Conversing 
Picking the right time of day and the right place
Each of us probably has a preferred time of day or a preferred place, to converse with others – although there are some people who could chat on at any time, such is their love for companionship and relationship. I don’t “chat” easily in the mornings, but once I have organized myself and have my chores in order, I am more relaxed. And as far as the right place – for me, it is probably in a place where there aren’t too many people, or where there is a very small group of people. But for everyone, it will be different. So, if we are keen to converse with a particular person so that a relationship can flourish, observing  that person’s leanings for their preferred time and preferred place for conversing, can be helpful.


Conversations are enhanced
if we choose a good place and a good time. 


Finding a place without too many distractions has proven valuable when we wanted to have a chat with our children

from Robyn

painting of robin by Brenda

June 24, 2013

Conversing - asking questions

That's not my home! 
                            No, that's not my home! 

Some years ago, one would see many caravans on the roads. 
In Australia, the aged pensioners exploring the country are known as "Grey Nomads". 
The declining number of caravans is perhaps due to the cost of petrol and caravan sites.  

ConversingConversing – the value of questions
Asking questions and then taking the time to listen attentively to responses, giving the speaker time to respond without interrupting them, most definitely improves communication and even strengthens a relationship. Strangely,  I don’t meet many people who ask questions of others. Often someone will ask, “How are you?”, but then not pause to really listen to the response.   I think that people often don’t ask questions of others because they are busy with their own agenda. Hence, listening to others and being inspired by others or learning from others isn’t on their immediate agenda. 

School children are taught to ask questions, but sadly, after we leave the classroom, I think that many of us forget the benefits that come our way from asking inquiring questions and listening to others’ responses. 

Yesterday I met up with a long-time friend whom I do not see very often. I was impressed by both her ability to ask questions and her interest in my answers. 
I hope that I was as polite towards her as she was towards me. 

from Robyn

painting of robin by Brenda

June 21, 2013

Conversing without interrupting

That's not my home!

  No, that's not my home! 
This home, tucked behind a peppercorn tree, is in Leyburn, Queensland

Conversing
Conversing- allowing the other person to talk without interrupting  
It is not polite to interrupt while the other person is speaking or eating!
I feel privileged to spend time each week at a nursing home with elderly clients who love to talk about their lives.  Because these elderly folk often take time gathering their thoughts, I get plenty of practice at allowing them time to process their thoughts. Plus I get plenty of practice at listening, while encouraging them to continue as they tell their stories with me genuinely interested, and showing a quiet respect without disengaging them by interrupting. Such times have most definitely helped to develop relationships along with a sense of significance for these elderly folk.  


May we be polite in our conversing

from Robyn

painting of robin by Brenda

June 20, 2013

Conversing with friends and family

That's not my home!

  No, that's not my home! 
This deserted stone home is near Strathalbyn, South Australia


ConversingConversing with friends and family  
These are the ones whom it is so easy to take for granted – our friends and family. And it is so easy for our verbal exchanges with them to be given less thought and attention than those in the workplace or community. Circumstances of the past can  negatively affect one’s quality of conversation with those closely related, and there can certainly be relational challenges that occur with our friends and family at times. Maybe even constantly! Perhaps we can challenge ourselves to give those who live closest to us, the same respect, acknowledgement, understanding and thanks as we do in our speech elsewhere, remembering to develop our own confidence and negotiation skills for those difficult situations.
 
A family of seagulls and a family of pelicans meet regularly
on a jetty at Goolwa, South Australia

May  we not neglect meeting with our family and friends

from Robyn

painting of robin by Brenda

June 19, 2013

Conversing takes two


That's not my home!
   No, that's not my home! 


This Victorian coastal lighthouse 
was once the home of a lighthouse-keeper and his family

ConversingConversing takes two  
How many of us have had someone in our life, or still have someone in our life, who does not freely converse. But then, it is their choice to speak or not to speak - and they may have good reason for the choice they make.  While it is appropriate to internally acknowledge that someone chooses not to converse with us, it is still worth a try to develop a relationship. But then, at the end of the day, it takes two to converse, and if they won’t, they don’t. 
Some people turn away, not really wanting to converse

May we be understanding of the choices that others make

from Robyn

painting of robin by Brenda

June 18, 2013

Recap of conversing skills


That's not my home!



  No, that's not my home! 
This worker's cottage with its sheltered front porch is near Beechworth, Victoria 

Conversing Conversing - recap of the past two weeks.  
This month, I hope that I am on the road to more meaningful communication. 
Aspects of communication that I have considered so far in this month’s blog include:

*Communication with appreciation of both small and big talk;
*Communication with an attitude able to “give” before needing to “receive”;
*Communication with an awareness of the other person and their significance;
*Communication with a listening ear;
*Communication with kindness, compassion and confidence;
*Communication with response to others rather than reaction to them;
*Communication with care for others’ emotions;
*Communication with an awareness of how I present myself;
*Communication with acknowledgement of  my own inner convictions; and
*Communication with accurate recall of both people and situations.

And so, today, I won’t think of concentrating on any new aspect – I already have plenty to consider as I communicate with those in my world.  
It is good to consider and to recap on what one is learning in life


May we take the time to pause and consider

from Robyn

painting of robin by Brenda

June 17, 2013

Recalling information

That's not my home!


No, that's not my home! 
This grand stone homestead near Angaston, South Australia,
was once owned by a wealthy landowner. 

Conversing  Conversing- with recall
I met a professional gentleman some years ago who told me that he carries a notebook with him to write people’s names in so that he can recall them and learn them when he goes home. He also writes a few details about the person’s life, and where he met them, in his notebook.  Then when he meets that particular person on another occasion, he would know them by name and would also know how to ask them some leading questions with some knowledge of who they are.   

I was impressed with this gentleman’s desire to communicate meaningfully with others, and I took “a leaf out of his book”. I now have my own little notebook that I often write in. It has helped me communicate on many an occasion.
It is important to take an interest in others


May we not be lazy or reticent to remember

from Robyn

painting of robin by Brenda

June 14, 2013

Taking a stand

That's not my home!

  No, that's not my home! 

This 2 storey brick home near Toowoomba, Queensland, 
however, was once our family home from which we saw beautiful sunsets, 
but we sold it for another home.

Conversing Conversing- expressing what we must
Some years ago, I was in a situation where I very strongly expressed my opinion to a person in the workplace who was of much higher rank than me. It was very embarrassing to me because my opinion was totally different to the leader of the organization, but the situation was too important to me to let the issue go without expressing my opinion strongly. I left the interview feeling as though I had been rude because my opinion was different.


However, a couple of years later when this person was talking with me, they recalled that interview. They told me that they had actually been impressed by my stand, for they had thought that people might have been able to “walk over me”, but they discovered that I was a stronger person than they had realized. So, you never know what people are thinking of you and how they are receiving you! But sometimes our inner convictions make us express what we must, whether or not our words will be appreciated.
Sometimes we feel compelled to make a stand,
expressing words which may not be appreciated 

May we grow in confidence so that we can express ourselves
even when our opinions are different

from Robyn

painting of robin by Brenda